BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT FOR PARENTS

When a child experiences the death of someone they care about, it can be confusing, upsetting and overwhelming. Children process grief differently from adults and may not always have the words to express how they’re feeling. As a parent or carer, you play a vital role in helping them make sense of what has happened and feel safe during a difficult time. This page offers guidance on how to talk to your child about death, recognise common reactions to grief, and support them with care, honesty, and compassion. Please inform your child's class teacher if your child has lost someone so we can offer support in school.

🕊️ How to Tell a Child Someone Has Died

💬 Be Clear and Honest

Children need to hear the truth in simple, age-appropriate language. Avoid phrases like “gone to sleep”, “lost”, or “passed away”, which can be confusing or frightening.

Instead, say something like:“I need to tell you something very sad. Grandma has died. Her body stopped working and she can’t be with us anymore.”

Give them time to take it in. They may ask questions, or they may not say anything at all at first — both are normal.

🧒 Consider Their Age and Understanding

• Young children (under 6) may not understand that death is permanent. They may keep asking when the person is coming back. Answer gently, and consistently.

• Older children often understand more but may hide their feelings or worry about upsetting others. Reassure them they can talk any time.

❤️ Use a Calm and Reassuring Tone

Children will often take their emotional cues from you. It’s okay to cry — showing your own sadness teaches them it’s safe to show feelings — but try to stay calm and comforting. “I feel really sad too. We’re going to help each other through this.”

⏳ Give Space and Reassurance

Let them know:

• They are safe and loved

• It’s okay to feel lots of different emotions

• You’ll answer their questions, even if you don’t always know the answers

🧸 Let Them Grieve in Their Own Way

Children may play, get angry, go quiet, or laugh — these are all normal responses. Keep routines as steady as possible, and check in gently over time.

🧰 Helpful Phrases You Could Use

• “Died means their body stopped working and they can’t come back.”

• “It’s not your fault. Nothing you did or said caused this.”

• “All your feelings are okay — it’s okay to be sad, or angry, or even to not feel anything yet.”

• “We’re going to be okay, and we can talk about this whenever you need.”

🕊️ Bereavement Support Task Bank for Families

💬 Talking About Feelings and Memories

• Memory Walk: Go for a walk and share stories or favourite memories about the person who died.

• Feelings Thermometer: Help your child rate how they’re feeling (e.g. 1 = okay, 5 = really sad) and talk about what might help.

• "I Remember…" Game: Take turns finishing the sentence: “I remember when…” with a memory of the person.

• Draw Your Heart: Draw a heart and fill it with colours, pictures, or words that show what your heart is feeling today.

✍️ Creative and Reflective Activities

• Memory Jar or Box: Fill a jar or box with notes, photos, or small items that remind you of the person who died.

• Write a Letter: Encourage your child to write a letter to the person who died — they can say whatever they want.

• Feelings Diary: Let your child draw or write how they’re feeling each day, even if it's just with emojis.

• Create a “Life Book”: Put together a scrapbook with pictures, stories, and drawings about the person’s life.

🕯️ Rituals and Remembrance

• Light a Candle Together: Choose a safe time to light a candle and think about the person.

• Make a Memory Tree: Use paper leaves to write favourite memories or messages and hang them on a branch or stick tree.

• Celebrate Special Dates: Mark birthdays or anniversaries by doing something the person enjoyed or cooking their favourite food.

• Choose a Memory Object: Let your child keep a belonging or token that reminds them of the person.

🧸 Comfort and Coping Tools

• Worry Monster or Box: Encourage your child to “feed” their worries into a soft toy or box — then talk about them together later.

• Safe Space: Set up a cosy corner where your child can go when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

• Feelings Stones: Paint stones with different emotions and use them to help talk about feelings.

• Grief Playlist: Create a playlist of songs that help express or soothe different feelings.

🧡 Reassurance and Routine

• Use a Visual Schedule: Help children feel secure by showing them what’s happening today and tomorrow.

• Reassure Often: Remind your child that they are safe, loved, and allowed to feel whatever they feel.

• Keep Bedtime Calm: Offer a consistent bedtime with time to talk if they need to — or just sit quietly with them.

• One-to-One Time: Set aside even 10 minutes a day for undistracted attention — playing, reading, or just being together.

🕊️ When Might a Child Need Bereavement Counselling?

🌱 Most children need:

• Honest, age-appropriate information

• A safe space to talk and ask questions

• Reassurance and routine

• Opportunities to remember the person who has died

But some children may need more support, especially if their grief becomes long-lasting or intense. For more support on this, please download the document below or contact Mrs McGhee for support.